Teen  Angst Poetry & Prose

Have you ever run across a tattered notebook or a pile of papers from long ago?   This happened to me a few years ago. It was a bright purple six subject notebook emblazoned with my University's Logo.  I'd purchased it when I was still in Junior High School, I think, on one of many trips there after school. My father was studying for (another) Master's degree (that he wouldn't finish-as is his custom).

Inside there were piles and piles of prose and poetry I'd written as a pre-to late teen.  Most of it excruciatingly bad.

The first time I put this stuff out on the web, my intention was simply to laugh at myself, and it remains a good exercise in humility, I think...but as I look them again today, I feel stricken by the overwhelming fear I had as a child that I would be alone.

It's a fear so strong it's followed me well into adulthood.  It's just a shame I wasn't able to express it more eloquently.

                                                                -BinkieGirl

Bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

I’ve searched

A symbol of our love 

I’ve searched so long for the perfect guy

And I guess I’ve come up with you

you have dried my tears and held me high

and made me feel brand new

 

At night I dream of your embrace

And wish I was in your arms

You would hug me tight and keep me safe

Away from every harm

 

When I awaken from my sleep

Again your lips touch mine

And in my heart, my hopes and dreams

Are growing for all time.

The sun peeked out from behind the sun

The morning of our first meeting

You smiled a smile that warmed the earth

And sent my heart of beating

 

The days we spent together

Were by far the best I’ve had

You would make me laugh to tears of joy

But never tears of sad

 

But the sun was sure to leave

Back to its cloud of fleece

when I left our paradise

our small refuge of peace

 

For days when I came home

My days had turned to nights.

Full of restless pain

And never ending plights

 

But one day when I arose

I saw a golden beam

That shown down from the sky

In a bright and brilliant gleam

 

I was handed the smallest paper

That said “to me from you”

And when opened it revealed

Your love for me was true

 

So now the sun remains

Shining bright above

As a symbol of our friendship

A symbol of our love.

Poem

All my hopes have left my reach

And now alone I stand

My dreams of a deserted ocean beach

Have suddenly left my hand

I thought I’d bee taught before

Not to step off the ground

To cimb the steps and fall in love

Trying to find what I had never found

But I listened not to mymind

And followed instead my heart

Not looking back, just trudging on

I only hoped my dream would spark

 

But myheart lost the battle

Now screams out loud in pain

Inside me now it eternally bleeds

To my life it eternally stains

Bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Never

A Teardrop Falls 

I have waited it seems

A year of Mondays

I tell you its not the best day

You wasted your time

on someone else

you let them lead you astray

But now that I have you

I swear not to lose you

together eternally last

 

For with me you will be happy

And never look back

upon your rigged past.

I look upon the setting sun

I see a teardrop fall

In times of good and times of fun

I never heard you call

 

I waited by the phone

Each day and every night

Sitting home alone

And hoped with all my might

 

As I gave up every chance

For love with other guys

As I gave up every dance

And listened to your lies

Then one day the answer came

No longer was I blue

I would not have to wait in shame

For someone who was true

He came from out of nowhere

And cut my burdens free

At last someone to care and share

And give his love to ME

bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Don’t forget the times of fun

Forever 

When the brilliant sun                              

Seems duller every day

Don’t forget the times of fun

Don’t let them slip away.

When the deep blue sky

Is Graying ever fast

Don’t forget the times of fun

IN your heart they will always last

If the shining stars

Seem fewer every night

Don’t forget the times of fun

Hang on with all your might

 

If the glowing moon

Is losing all its gleam

Don’t forget the times of fun

ALWAYS chase your dreams

Forever we have been together

And now you have to leave

But before you go I want you to know

In only you I believe

 

I’ll be here when you return

When again you will hold me tight

But before you go, I want you to know

I’ll look forward to that night

 

This is the last chance I have

To give my love to you

But before I go, I want you to know

Our love will forever stay true.

From the Corner 

Poem

I’ve been standing back

watching the world go by

watching the fighting

watching the pain

 

From my small oasis of peace

I view the earth’s short days

People hurting people

And not taking a second to care

 

Then by chance I see you

From the corner of my eye

I watch you go about your days

In a kind and sharing way

 

Then before I step from my corner

into the world again

I take a minute to contemplate

and because of you it’s not so bad after all

When morning breaks the blackened sky

And shines on sleeping earth

The birds sing cheerful happy songs

To celebrate day’s birth

 

Sticky dew drowns green grass

And morning Glory’s bloom

While billowing clouds appear above

To clean away night’s gloom.

 

Tide moves out from the beach’s sand

Shells are left to dry

Only to be found and used

to brighten a child’s eyes

 

As the sun grows warmer

The glories hide their eyes

From the growing day

That bleeds into the sky

 bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Christmas Hopes 

Poem 

Christmas time is here once more

Halls are decked and such

Wreaths adorn your own front door

All admired very much

 

On Christmas day do gather kin

And bring to all glad tidings

You greet them all, then enter in

And children sit abiding

 

Rings the bell for dinner, at last

Your eyes fall on a feast

Your aim, to eat, and eat, THEN fast

For a week, a month at least.

 

Now the time you have long awaited

The packages under the tree

You have longed to tear each tag and bow

From each present marked for “me”

You take your turn and open them fast

And love each single one

You wish this day would last and last

But in just minutes it is gone

 

So cherish every Christmas

Don’t have a heavy heart

For twelve short months will have to pass

And again the cheer will start.

A seed was put into the earth

The very day we met

And from that first shy smile

The soil on top was set

 

A seedling sprang up from the ground.

When we first said “Hi”

And when we first brushed arms by chance

The sun shone from the sky

 

Our seedling formed to sapling

As our friendship grew

Each day I longed to hear your voice

OUR friendship was true

 

Then our tree at last was tall

And reaching for the sky

Its boughs a mass of green above

To ground its roots did tie

 

So fast our time together

Would come and quickly end

Three months without you near me.

A smile you cannot send

 

The leaves upon our tree

Dulled from green to borwn

And winter winds from east to west

Ripped a tree limb down

 

My lonliness was present

It haunted night and day

I sat there every morning

And wished my sadness away

And one day by surprise

Snow melted from the grass

And slowly our time apart

Was coming to its pass

I saw you wave to me

From a window near

So happy was my heart

That then I lost all fear

 

Of further times apart

Without you near my side

So never will I have to cry

Or sad feelings have to hide

bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Alone She Sits 

The Compliment 

Alone she sits and softly cries

Do they know she is there?

She sits and thinks of times before

And doesn’t think it’s fair

 

Her friends are busy, too busy for her

She is left alone again

She sits and thinks of times before

Remembers all the pain

 

As she wonders if they see her

In the room alone

She sits and thinks of times before

She’s out there on her own.

I want to suggest a new Beatitude: “Blessed

are the sincere who pay compliments.”

For I have just had a compliment, and it has

changed my day.

            I was irritated. Tired. Discourage. Nothing

seemed much use. Now suddenly all this is changed.

          

 

          I feel a spurt of enthusiasm, of energy and

joy.  I am filled with hope.  I like the whole world

better, and myself, and even you.

 

            Lord, bless the person who did this for me.

            He probably hasn’t the faintest idea how

his few words affected me.  But wherever he is,

whatever he’s doing, bless him.  Let him too

feel this sense of fulfillment, this recharge

of fire and faith and joy.

 

            Thank you, God, for this simple miracle so

available to all of us.  And that we don’t have

to be saints to employ its power.

            Remind me to use it more often to heal and

lift and fortify other lives: a compliment!

 

bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Sestina

Sestina  

As the dew

Falls on the grass

A bird sings

To a bug

About a cloud

And a mushroom

Where is the mushroom?

Below the dew

Sheltered by the clouds

Guarded by the grass

Invaded by the bug

And the bird

 

“Why!” screams the bird

“Is the mushroom here?”

Being bothered by the bug

Crawling over the des

That lies on the grass

Below the clouds

 

Because the clouds rule the bird

And the grass carpets the soil

The mushroom wants only to be noticed

Under the glimmer of the dew

And not to be pestered by the bug

 

But the bug

Saw the cloud

Felt the dew

And ran from the bird

But tripped on the mushroom

And fell into the grass

 

The grass cushioned

the bug

that tripped over the mushroom

it looked at the clouds above

as the birds sing

about the dew

 

But as the clouds begin to gather

and the bug hides under the mushroom

as the dew is washed away from the grass

While the sun is in the sky

The doll sits alone

In a large room

Looking out the window

At a child

Full of hope

Why is there hope?

Because of the sun

Tanning the child

And the doll sits alone

Looking out of the window from the room

 

In the room

Full of hope

Through the window

Shines the sun

On the doll

Neglected by the child

 

Can the child

Look up to the room

And see the doll

And the hope

Through he sun

In the window

 

To the window

The child ran

Past the sun

And into the room

Is filled with hope

And grabs the doll

 

The joyful doll

Is taken from the window

In gaining hope

From the child

And from the room

Into the sun

 

As the sun shone through

The window of the room

The hope filled doll and child

Play about in joy.

bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Sestina 

The Open Minded 

Through each day did I walk

With no regard to time

I smiled a smile of honesty

I dreamed my way through night

I awoke with the sun to another day

Just me, alone in my paradise

 

Never a worry in paradise

Always a path on which to walk

It started anew with everyday

And made its way through time

Leading each day into night

With a never deceiving honesty

 

But not until now do I know of true honesty

The peace broken in my paradise

When the light of the moon was hidden one night

Then came another on my path did he walk

He spoke not a word for the longest time

The sun hid its face that mysterious day

 

The gently falling rain would not cease this day

The loud crash of thunder made me distrust his honesty

But deep feelings inside of me tempted for a time.

I thought nothing of my lost paradise

I only longed side by side with him to walk

And our desires would fill each moon lit night

 

Gazing starry eyed at the heavens each night

With but one kiss to brighten the day

Together we chose but one path on which to walk

To look into his eyes there was honesty

For which I cared for more than a childhood paradise.

By this I had grown in the essence of time.

 

Though I hate to admit it, quickly by passed the time

And our paths parted silently deep in the night

Each letting go our dreams of paradise

We had lost on another to the truth of the day

Feeling then, the absence of honesty

As sadly I continued to walk

 

Alone we both walk through all time eternal

Because our faith in honesty was lost one dark lonely night

Maybe some happy day, I’ll accept all

That’s happened but never will I forget

Because you are my paradise.

Fourteen million miles away

My mind flies away

To bump among the other souls

Which gather in the empty spaces

To clutter the skies.

Glittering stars shine down

Upon the souls who are content

To stay tucked into themselves

Without shine, without breath, without life

I can float above gravity to reflect

To learn, to understand.

 

9-18-1988

Untitled

Children flinch

Dart the flying shards

Daddy’s mad again

 

Hide the baby!

Don’t let her cry

Daddy might visit

 

Cover ears

Muffle his words.

They sting

 

Mommy screams,

Covers her bleeding nose

Daddy is sorry

 

They kiss

 

They go to “talk”

Muffle the sounds

They sting

It Survives 

The glistening dewdrop stands still

After the wind has blown and cut

            leaves from trees and snagged branches

            from trunks:

 

The drop survives.

 

The teardrop yet flows

It exists after the fiery clashes cut

            father from son and daughter from

            mother’s wombs:

 

The drop survives.

Back

 bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

I’ve lost my way here

There are curving twining roads

And I’ve lost my way

 

I’m confused by the flickering shadows

That beckon me to come

Because I don’t know where they lead

 

Nothing is comprehendible

It’s all a blur

I can’t even make out the colors

Before me

 

Where is the end of this labyrinth?

Do you know the way?

There are curving twining roads here

And I’ve lost my way

 

I can’t find a lantern

To help me see my path

It’s been lost in the rubble

I’ve left before

 

What is this place?

Does it have a name?

There are curving twining roads here

And I’ve lost my way

 

Am I alone in this endless maze?

I haven’t seen another searching for an end

Are there others here with me?

Or am I alone?

 

When will the shadows leave?

When will the sky lighten?

For there are curving winding roads here

And I’ve lost my way.

 

Spain 17-Julio-1.987

Were it not for your gentle words

Rubbing smooth the bumps in my twisting path of life

Were it not for your laughter

Making me realize I’m losing my way

Were it not for your anger

Were it not for your joy

I would only be alone.

 

Had you not been there when I held myself down

Had you not pulled me back up

Had you ignored my silly games

And let them destroy what we had worked hard to build

I would still be alone today

 

If ever I should need that reassuring glance

Or that verbal slap to my face

If ever I’m really down and

Ripping myself to shreds

Wherever I may be, thanks to you

I’ll never be alone

Back

 bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

I see the shaking head, the bouncing, pointed finger

I see my father grasp his face…support for his suffering brain?

 

It seems so simple to him, he pulled it off without a hitch.

Why can’t the child see it clearly?

 

He throws me a smug smile when the argument is too silly-

In his eyes.

I lose privileges if I do the same.

He sees using those wounding words

As some sort of parental birthright.

For the child, it’s purely sarcasm and won’t be tolerated.

 

Big brother says I’ll understand when I’ve matured.

Yet, I can’t convince myself that he himself does…

Isn’t HE the one who calls weekly with his

Biggest crisis yet?

then hangs up quickly in disgust when Father shows

The error of his ways?

 

Perhaps one day, I’ll agree.

Mom does…usually…

Because I’ll be the one groping for my forehead

The one with the aching brain,

And I’ll be searching for a trace of reason…

Why can’t the child see it clearly, I’ll ask?

I’ll love the chance to see such a “simple” life.

But, that is far off into my future…maybe.

 

For now, I want to be left alone

To bask in my own self pity,

And to pout…a little.

 

I have that right, don’t I?

After all, I’m still “the child.”

 

She lies twisting, turning, twitching

Another nighttime horror penetrates her sleep.

 

Translucently clear, the pictures fly before her, torment her

Faceless corpses, laid to rest in blood stained fatigues,

Skin never cleansed white, or black, or yellow

Faces never shaved

The reek, embalming fluid stench, repulses her

Forcing her stomach muscles into strong uncontrollable

Spasms, releasing the food she did not eat.

 

Suddenly, the men grab her, the two strange men

They clench her arms, arresting her blood, her life, her joy

 

Emotions robbed, she sits curled in the back of a dark bouncing truck

Into the night, she travels to the hospital—through endless

Ever deepening potholes.

A cold sweat on her forehead, she sits up, wipes the moisture away

Recognizing her surroundings, turns and reclaims her troubled slumber.

bad Teen Angst Prose & Poetry

Dream 3/29&30/84

There was a horrible storm.  No rain but a lot of wind & lightening.  When I got up and looked out the window of my room. It must have been a very old house and there was a window at the left of one of the walls.  I looked out, curious of what damage had been done.  When I looked down to the old grave yard, one of the tombs (The body was buried above the ground) anyway the rounded top of the grave had blown off in the storm (It was stone, cement or some other very heavy substances) lay above five feet away, a body lay exposed looking like it was ready for burial.  It was as woman. She was old and wrinkles, she had snow white hair and bony features, here face looked as if there were nothing to it but bones with enough skin for two of her type.  She was wearing a soft green gown and it waved about in the morning breeze.  She had fresh and colorful flowers all about her having one flowering bouquet of red roses about her hands.  Curious as to what was going on I went down an antique solid oak open staircase carpeted in plush red.  When I opened the heavy wood doors and went outside, I realized that I had neglected to put on day clothes. So far entranced I did nothing about it.  In finding when this woman was put to rest, my mouth fell open in awe.  For it was over one hundred years from that time.  The woman’s name was Elanore Richmond.  My great great grandmother. (I don’t REALLY have a great great grandmother name E. Richmond)  The woman blinked, I had had enough. I let out a scream that must have penetrated the ears of all, for five miles around. I turned and was ready to run, a soft and sweet yet demanding voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

            “Don’t run, dear. I must have fallen asleep. Will you help me into the house?”  I squeezed my hands and tried to wake, this is a dream, wake up and it will all be over.  I did not awaken and  it was not over.  I turned unwillingly around. It was like the woman was forcing me. Like whatever her will, I was her worker.  as I very slowly approached her she reached out her long bony hand……